Mysterious inner person

Have you heard someone after making a remark that seemed to startle them, say something like, “I never say things like that”, or “that’s not like me to say something like that”. Does that mean that there is some mysterious entity that resides inside of them that is making strange statements? Do they have any control over this entity? Is that what people mean when they justify some behavior by saying, “that’s just the way I am”. Who is the “I” they are referring to? This happens frequently when people worry about something they have no control over. They say, “I can’t help myself”. Does this mean they are not in control of their thoughts or their feelings? All of us have many times experienced situations where we changed our minds by making a deliberate effort. Many people change their feelings by careful analysis of events. When I answer a question by saying that’s just the way I am, is that really just a cop out. Is that my way of admitting that I don’t want to do the hard work it takes to find out what is really going on? Most people know that they cannot control the thoughts and feelings that pop into their minds but they also know that they can decide on how they deal with these feelings. I bring this up because I once wrote an essay on worry and someone near and dear to me told me that I have a lot to learn about feelings. Here is the essay. Tell me where I am going astray.

Worry

Worry like many emotions can be productive or not depending on it is handled. Under normal circumstances, worry is the way the psyche gets our attention. Worry begins when we are uncomfortable with some person or some incident and after a period of time it requires our attention. If we take some action to relieve the tension then worry has served a productive purpose and the tension level is lowered. For example a student who is worried about an upcoming exam and the tension builds to the point where he gets out the books and starts to study. At this point the tension decreases and the probable result will be a better grade. If we just allow it to fester then the tension builds and at some point can cause other physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual problems. It is well known that among other things worry can cause our immune system to weaken and thus make us more susceptible to health problems.
The classic example is the man whose father died prematurely from heart failure and he is plagued by thoughts of having a heart attack. This chronic concern has an adverse effect on his overall health and can actually lead to a situation that promotes heart trouble, the self-fulfilling prophecy concept. If, on the other hand, this same man would take action in the form of proper diet, exercise, no smoking or drinking the tension from worry would decrease and his health would improve and he might live years longer before any heart trouble sets in. The point is that worry can be the stimulant that causes us to take action that can prevent problems before these same problems adversely affect our life style.
Since worry can be a positive thing or a negative thing depending on how we deal with it, the question arises as to why some people worry but do not do anything about it. For some they do not realize that worry without action can be harmful, while others may know this but are not capable of taking any action. There are some however that are aware of the dangers of excess worry but seem to want to stay in this state of tension and do not give any thought to what, if anything, they could do about it. What could be the reason that these people choose to stay in this condition? For some, rather than admit there is nothing they can do about the situation, they hang on thinking that giving up is like losing control over something they only imagine they have control over to begin with. Take the situation where a relative or close friend is engaged in some unhealthy behavior and they have been told but telling them only makes the situation worse. Now the worrier realizes that the only way this person can be helped is that they must decide to help themselves and until that happens nothing can be done for them. At this point a logical person would set aside the worry knowing that further worry on their part is no help and can be detrimental to their own health. Logic, however, does not prevail and they continue to worry to the point where they themselves become ill. Why is it so difficult for these people to see how fruitless it is to continue to worry over something about which they can do nothing? It is possible that worry is their way of holding on to hope. For others it may be that the mere process of worry is confused with actually doing something and for others it is a deliberate act of self-destruction as punishment for some past failure, perceived or otherwise. This is closely related to guilt arising from not having taken action earlier or from taking the wrong action. Regardless of the “why” things are the way they are, the fact remains that worry at this point is not productive.